As the major comic book properties continue to be swept up to cash in on the latest cinema trend, movie goers are starting to feel the strain of super hero overload. While characters like Thor, Green Lantern and Captain America hit the theaters this summer, the Avengers will join forces in 2012, the same year that Batman and Spiderman will make their return to the big screen. While all these heroes are finally getting the star-studded makeovers and exposure that will add hours to every fanboy debate for years to come, there are some heroes that deserve the movie treatment that will probably never receive it.
Luke Cage
The most likely of any on this list to actually see the light of day, Marvel’s “Hero for Hire,” Luke Cage is a former criminal youth and gang member from Harlem (Marvel always had issues with stereotyping) who turns to a life of a paid vigilante after taking part in experiments in jail that gave him superhuman strength. You couldn’t ask for a more gritty origin, and Cage’s story gives him the depth of Batman with the strength of the Hulk and the healing factor of Wolverine. Also, he’s black. Cage has been present in a large amount of Marvel’s major story lines, but has yet to receive any love on the silver screen. Despite living in the same city and even attempting to capture Spider-Man at one point in the comics, their paths have yet to cross in any incarnation of Spidey’s story. The rights to produce a Luke Cage movie have been owned by Columbia pictures since 2003, but it’s been in a stand still since 2006.
The Question
In a world where the blogosphere has provided some of the best investigative journalism in recent memory and the twenty-four hour news cycles debate the ethics of sexting politicians rather than the ones that continue to bankrupt the nation, we could use a reporter like Vic Sage, better known as The Question. He’s an investigator and news reporter teamed with a scientist who has created an artificial skin that allows Vic the ability to completely disguise his face and change his entire appearance. This fake skin allows Vic Sage to approach his suspects with complete anonymity, giving him the chance to get his story as one man, then report it as himself and no villain gets suspicious. Possibly the best thing about the Question isn’t his ability to break a story, it’s his ability to break a face. Sage is completely ruthless in his interrogation tactics, specifically once he’s done with a person. He feels absolutely no guilt for beating a person completely senseless, then leaving them to live or die on their own accord. He will inform the police of their location so they can either rescue the now-endangered criminal or send a clean up crew for what they may encounter. Still sounds better than water boarding.
The Tick
Patrick Warburton needs his own film. That is the only piece of reasoning that needs to be offered for this offering. However, considering that won’t do much for the word count of this article, perhaps a little more insight could be offered. Theaters are currently the Mecca for comic book nerds. Their favorite heroes are being brought to them in larger-than-life fashion and while there is no statistical proof of this, I’m pretty sure they are the only thing keeping the United States economy afloat at the moment. That said, what better time to unleash possibly the greatest superhero spoof of all time? Not only will you score with the nerds for bringing their absurdist ace to the big screen, you’ll also capitalize on the perfect moment for parody. Besides, the TV hit cult status after it got pulled off the air and Warburton has had his voice attached to a string of hits. Add to that the studio budget and production that the show never had and this could easily be a sleeper hit for all those hipsters that appreciated the satire of the Tick before it was cool. While the pretty boy images from the likes of Thor crowd the stage, unleash a bulk of a man against his most embattled enemies: Chainsaw Vigilante, a skilled chainsaw fighter who has never killed anyone; Chairface Chippendale, a villain known for his…chair face. He has a son named Stoolface; and Blowfish Avenger, who puffs out to enact his pointed spikes but is completely unable to move once expanded. Really though, I’ll fund this thing. Let’s do this.
The Outsiders
No one is completely sure what to expect when Christopher Nolan’s next and final episode of his Batman saga drops in 2012, but he wants to set up one of the best potential spin off franchises that comic book films have seen, here’s what he should do: Introduce the Outsiders. This group of rag-tag heroes don’t confine to the status quo of super. In fact in their original story line, two of the characters join with Batman after being rejected by the Justice League. If you’re looking for a stable of characters with unique backgrounds, look no further. The leader of the team, Geo-Force, is the son of a King. The light-bending Halo is an amnesiac ball of ancient energy trapped in the body of a murdered sociopath. Metamorpho gains powers from the Orb of Ra while adventuring in Egypt. Katana became a samurai after her husband was killed by his brother who was in love with her, and her sword is possessed by the soul of her husband. All of these characters join forces to stop a Nazi leader who has joined forces with the Soviet army and intends to create a clone of Adolph Hitler. You want a period piece? This has World War II. You want unique, likable characters? Take your pick from the crazy pile. You want action? It’s a freaking’ World War. You want Hitler? There’s that too for some reason. Sure, Nolan’s modern Batman won’t tie into this at all, but let’s give it a modern upgrade. Throw them in the Middle East. Keep the Hitler thing though, that’s gold.
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